Killing the smoke

I used to smoke. I know I know. How passé and utterly 20th century stupid. What I didn't realize (because when you smoke, you don't smell the smoke lingering on everything around you because your senses are literally blind to it) was how it permeates everything. I've quit now for 25 years and it probably saved my life. However I did lend out one of my acoustic guitars to a smoker a year or so ago, not realizing (or possibly forgetting?) the horrible things cigarettes' smoke would do. The guitar is a 1997 Ovation Collectors Edition Parlor. Only 935 were made and Ovation only made them for one year in Hartford Connecticut. Depending on the condition, they're sometimes available between $600 and $1,500 dollars. It's a 12 fret round back parlor with tactile volume controls - literally 2 lines of differing length you touch to control the volume when plugged in. A really inventive and cool feature.

What I didn't realize was how much the person smoked until I got the guitar back. Not only did the case reek like an ashtray, but the inside of the acoustic did as well. I mean bad. So I went on the hunt to de-cigarette my guitar. I tried everything and here's a short list:

Aired the case and guitar out for months

Baking soda

Charcoal bags

Sunlight (my guitar tech suggested this one)

Good juju voodoo dolls

Small smelly decorative soaps

Potpourri sachets

Cotton balls with essential oils

Nothing worked, and after 6 months, it stunk nearly as bad as when I got it back. So I had to go nuclear. I got a spray can of Zep Smoke Odor Eliminator, it has that scent of an old Motel 8 room that's seen horrible things through the years. The smell of it is a combination of pine and sorrow. To combat that pine smell, I also got an industrial bottle of Fabreeze fabric freshener. The case was easy, I Zepped it multiple times and let it dry, then used Baking soda and vacuumed the sorrow smell out, then Fabreezed it. For the inside of the guitar it was a little more tricky. I put crumpled paper towels with Zep on it and stuffed them in the sound hole and covered the hole with plastic wrap for a week. I then did the same with the Fabreeze. After all that, and some more airing out I'm happy to say it's 90%. The rest will just take time. So lesson learned. Never lend out a guitar to a smoker, or, make sure that they agree to not smoke around the guitar or have the guitar where they smoke.